A Lost City Refound
by Silver-Flame12
Summary: General Hammond travels with SG1 to a lost city and encounters the local inhabitants of that planet. Both them and the General have ALOT in common. Bratec and Jacob also make guest appearances with a major twist to them


Hey there! I decided to make another story with the whole team this time including General Hammond (a.k.a. Transsexual Hammond). I've also included Bratec and Jacob with a little twist to them. I think this story is funny but you tell me what your think through reviews. Thanks for reading it although it is not completely finished. I'll get around to it soon.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, I am only borrowing them from their original creators. They can have them back at anytime they want.

The team walked through the blue event horizon and were confronted with a pulling sensation. They watched the stars, the planets, the asteroids and other materials fly past them grater than the speed of light. What was usually the sound of the end of a bath's water being sucked down a drain screaming in their ear was replaced with a loud girly squeal. The team knew it was General Hammond.

They rematerialized on the other side of the gate to hear General Hammond complaining. "Oh my god, my skirt nearly went right up my clacker. I'm telling ya, thank god I decided to wear my g-string or Christ, you would have all got a fright". The team watched their General walking down from the Stargate steps in his high heels. It was a rather comical appearance. Fat legs with huge cankles fitting inside a petite pair of heels designed for fairies, you just had to feel sorry for the shoes. Hammond, collecting himself, resumed his girly posture and strided towards the team in front of him. The heels, that were now starting to feel the weight of this transsexual, began to crack. The left heel snapped and Hammond toppled left side over. The fall could be felt from a neighbouring village and aroused their attention. The team rushed to his aid to reveal a face with tears running black. General Hammond's mascara was running down his overly large cheeks and underneath his thick red blush, the team could see that his face was starting to blotch. "I will never ever be able to walk in a pair of high heels without something bad happening will I?" The team looked at each other unsure of what to say. They reached for their guns (and Teal'c prepared his staff weapon) as three figures emerged from the bushes. They were shirtless men with arms to die for and pecks that couldn't bulge any more. Their bottom halves were nothing more than skirts. The first guy advanced towards the team to promote his gay hand gesture (his nails were painted) and said, "Oh my god, well if you ain't having a bad day honey." This guy was looking straight at the General. He walked over to him, apparently not worried about the weapons pointed at him and helped him to his feet. "Honey" he started his first sentence, "before you go prancing around in little shoes like this, you gotta lose weight" This guy, definitely gay, looked over to the team that were only just managing to hold their weapons. Their faces were drooping in elongation from the shock. They had found the mythical lost city of the transsexuals.

After a few hours of being around the camp fire warming up their little "tootsies", as the locals called it, they watched their General emerge from a large, pink tent saying, "Oh, so if I fatten everyone else up, I'll look thinner?" The really muscly man that was giving Hammond advice, ( A clear waste of hot stuff in Carter's mind) looked at the General with a face that Sam thought expressed, "Girl, you got to be fooling yourself, you didn't know that". Sam sniggered and looked at the hot stuff next to her that thankfully, wasn't wasted. 'What Carter?" said Jack, "Why are you looking at me?" Sam unprepared at being caught replied, "Uh, nothing sir, I was….just imagining you in one of them pink skirts". She grinned at her joke and watched the Colonel grin back. "Well as a matter of fact Carter, I was imagining you in one of them as well" Jack grinned at her shocked face and thought it looked pretty in the flickering flames of the camp fire. "Just because you've never seen me in a dress before doesn't mean I don't wear them, sir!"

"Oh" stammered Jack, "I didn't mean it like that". "Jeez" he thought, "That was a joke gone wrong" but they didn't have the opportunity to keep arguing because three of the locals sat around the camp fire. With them as well was the General. The General sat opposite Daniel with his legs wide open and gave him a front up view of what was under his skirt. Whilst Daniel was cringing he was also thankful the General wasn't lying about wearing one of his g-strings.

"We have something to tell you" said the first guy.

"It's really important you show them your support" said the second.

"Don't act surprised either, you must have guessed at some stage" said the third. Sam looked at Jack who was as confused as she was and noticed that Tealc's eye brow was raised unnaturally higher than usual. Daniel on the other hand seemed determined to keep looking at the ground. Sam wondered if he didn't want to look up because he didn't want to meet the eyes of the others because he knew what was going on. The General on the other hand had to give his input to the conversation by directing his flabby arm towards the tent entrance and proclaiming, "I'd like you to meet, Brateece the Transvestite and Jaquiline the Transgender" Emerging from the tent strode Bratec and Sam's dad Jacob, both in a complete one piece sequin dress, Jacob's brown and Bratec's black. Sam fainted and fell back of the large tree log that the team were using as a seat where as Teal'c's eyebrow flew off and landed in the camp fire's flames. Jack's mouth was gaping wide whereas Daniel was looking as though he was checking out the lower half of the two new additions to the General's club. Jacob, now Jaquiline gasped and clutched her hand against her chest as though she had bosom where as Brateece started to look through his hand bag for a stick on eyebrow (I mean hey, if she had fake eyelashes in there why not eyebrows as well). Jaquiline pulled out a fan tucked inside the chest part of her dress and started fanning her daughter whilst crying. General Hammond was so caught up in this moment that he started crying too. Both the General and the former Jacob had mascara running down their cheeks so to not feel left out, Brateece tore off his fake eyelash and stuck it to his cheek to look like a black river. She also continued to look for a fake eyelash for Teal'c in her hand bag.


End file.
